How to deal with toxic people

Not everybody goes along with everybody. You might be toxic for somebody, while you’re perfectly ok interacting with somebody else. And you don’t even need to have a personality disorder for that.

I know how BPD looks like from my own experience. I’ve also done some research about it and went through some therapies. I’m not an expert, but I do know a little something.

Some people with personality disorders are considered as quite toxic and I’d strongly agree. Even though, we all have our bright sides too.
We are still a human beings and first of all we do deserve some basic respect.

People with the same personality do share some or many common traits, but not everything applies to everyone. You can’t judge a person just by some label. You can deal with extremely toxic borderline for example, or completely benign one. It also depends what kind of person are you and how much can you tolerate.

Pay attention to your own feelings. How do you feel around different people?
It’s also good to get a second opinion sometimes. To better understand if the person is generally toxic or just going through some rough times.

Some people bring out the best in us and some the worst. This goes for everybody. Borderline’s are extremely sensitive to everything. We tend to overreact, but this doesn’t mean that we’re always the one to blame for everything that goes wrong.

It might help if you imagine us as a little kids who just don’t know yet what their own boundaries are.

The best way to deal with toxic people is to stay mindful and don’t take things too personally. It’s also very important to set your own boundaries and stick to them.

This is as far as the dealing goes. Sometimes it’s best to simply avoid people who are too toxic for you if possible.

What about you, do you have any experience with borderlines and the difficulties to communicate with them? Or you might struggle with BPD yourself? Feel free to share your own thoughts.

Further reading:
10 Things People with Borderline Personality Disorder Want You to Know
8 Best Tips for How to Cope With a Loved One’s Borderline Personality Disorder
How to Deal With Toxic People

9 Replies to “How to deal with toxic people”

  1. The first point that you have mentioned seems to be very true, in the end it does come down to compatibility of the individuals with one another, because people would vary drastically on the scale of some being likable and others not, although, imo most of us fall in the neutral of the spectrum. Great post btw.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “Borderline’s are extremely sensitive to everything. We tend to overreact, but this doesn’t mean that we’re always the one to blame for everything that goes wrong.”

    Ha, I so relate to this! From my own life.

    As a separate thing (this is not in reference to what I just said!) I made friends last year with somebody who had a diagnosis for borderline personality disorder. They were really upfront about it and actually really appreciated the chance to talk about it with me. They felt like they’d never been as understood as when they met me. It was a pretty intense friendship, talking on the phone each day!

    Unfortunately I was still in a very turbulent period, and their situation was very turbulent too, plus they were in a toxic family atmosphere. One more major event in my own life triggered something and they wanted to stop talking to me afterwards. That event involved one of my extreme reactions to intense stress— not involving them at all but they felt it was a bad influence on them— and they stopped interacting with people they’d met through a mental health group (including me).

    Which I can only say is fair enough, to be honest! But I worry that they’ll never actually get back in touch, and it’s tough to go from a strong friendship to nothing overnight! I worry about how they are doing, too.

    Anyways was good to read this :).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Robin.

      it’s tough to go from a strong friendship to nothing overnight! I worry about how they are doing, too.

      I can literally feel that. I’ve experienced many silent treatments and discards in the past. It’s not nice, but I try to see it as a part of their own personality issues (it’s way harder than it sounds, especially if you’re used to take all the blame on yourself).

      It’s nice to meet people you can be open with about your and their minds, though. Also, painful situations can teach us the most sometimes, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your take on it Maja!

        Indeed, yes, she was so upfront about it to begin with, even encouraging me to research BPD, which I did. She was also the person who has most understood me ever, and we had an amazing amount of overlap in terms of childhood experiences, behaviours and perspectives. It was a really important experience for me to meet somebody like that.

        Because of how I could relate to being misunderstood, and I had read about potential silent treatment phases, plus she’d told me that’s what she’s done before— I decided from the beginning that I’d be the person who would never get annoyed with her if that happened, and just accept it if she went silent and then wanted to talk again. I also have a ton of loyalty from how much she helped me, and encouraged me. She did go silent for a few days or a week at a time near the end, but then the last time has become permanent!

        So yeah, I still stand by that if she ever wanted to talk again I would with no hard feelings, but god you can see how important that person became to me! Even when we were explicit about not wanting romance or anything, just as a friend.

        I could have met somebody who hadn’t come to be so important to me, who then gave me silent treatment. In a way it was bad luck that those two coincided, I think!

        And yes, I did learn what I could from it, I really did a couple of things outside of my comfort zone, which she had previously encouraged me to do and I hadn’t (communicating with a family member for matters of survival!).

        She’s also the person responsible for inspiring me to start my blog, and she gave me the title. There’s such a legacy from that brief friendship! So it’s bittersweet!

        Like

      2. So yeah, I still stand by that if she ever wanted to talk again I would with no hard feelings, but god you can see how important that person became to me! Even when we were explicit about not wanting romance or anything, just as a friend.

        I can really relate to this part, deeply. I’m similar in this way and simply can’t hold any grudges for people I relate to at this level. Always open. It hurts me, but I wouldn’t want to change this part of me anymore.

        It’s great you got the inspiration for writing from her. And the writing is great for our souls, to relieve some tension (lots of pain can be felt from the second poem, am I getting it right?).
        I can only repeat again, we live and we learn 🙂

        Like

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