Are you a giver or a taker?

I already wrote about how glad I am for rediscovering the f**k it book.

On a second thought, I don’t think this kind of philosophy is something I’d want to go by actually. It’s just not me.

I was already there, but wasn’t happy at all. Right the opposite.
I became a bit too selfish back then, even without being depressed.

Many books (and other resources) are centered into rediscovering your self-worth, etc. It’s great to set your own boundaries and not allowing others to take advantage of you or treat you bad. But there is quite a thin line between becoming self confident and a narcissist.

We live in too narcissistic world already. This is not just my opinion. And I’m no better. Just see how many “I” and “me” words I used in this post only.

I’m wondering how much kindness is too much, what is pure kindness and what is just the need to please people?

You can’t please everybody, but you can stay kind. At least this is as far as your influence goes. You can as well be rude at some point, it depends on your values.

I questioned myself a few times when it comes to blogging.
What is my goal here? To please me as a writer, you as a reader, both or try not to care (obviously, this is not an option) and just ‘go with the flow’?


What about you, do you ever question yourself in similar ways?
Are you a giver or a taker (or overthinker 🙂 )?

Further reading:
Are Most People Selfish, Selfless, or Both?
Narcissism: The science behind the rise of a modern ‘epidemic’
Self Discipline Techniques For People Pleasers/Learned Helplessness

9 Replies to “Are you a giver or a taker?”

  1. I think people can be confident in their own worth and abilities and still see others as equals who are deserving of kindness and respect. Whereas narcissism is more about lifting oneself above others.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. For me, for years of therapy I tried to work on my “self worth” and stand up for myself, and in many situations was much more selfish than fits with my own values. In the last few years of therapy, I have instead focused on nurturing and loving my inner child using imagery and other techniques. As a result I stand up for myself and have a voice automatically (the goal of understanding our own worth), but because love and kindness are the focus, I feel like I am much more balanced. The first was more CBT focused and rational. I needed to do it on a deeper emotional level that was aided with DBT.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Am I an overthinker…yes. I tend to be kind because blessing others makes them happy and me happy too so its a win win for me. I don’t really do it to MAKE people like me. In your blog I see a desire to help, to educate, and to vent. Its a beautiful place I enjoy visiting!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Many books (and other resources) are centered into rediscovering your self-worth, etc. It’s great to set your own boundaries and not allowing others to take advantage of you or treat you bad. But there is quite a thin line between becoming self confident and a narcissist.

    We live in too narcissistic world already. This is not just my opinion.”

    I agree with you. A lot of ‘motivational’ stuff does sound borderline narcissism and encouraging selfishness! Or the talk of ‘look after yourself first’— that just doesn’t cut it with me in all cases. Looking after myself has no value if to do that requires having a negative effect on somebody else.

    E.g. let’s say you have a suicidal friend, but you’re also struggling with anxiety. If you listened to ‘look after yourself’ during your friend’s crisis, that would be inappropriate, because if your friend kills themself you’re going to be much worse off afterwards, so that’s definitely not looking after yourself, nor them! The phrase ‘everybody has problems’ is also like this. Of course everybody has problems, but those problems vary massively in severity and in timescale. And yes ‘severity’ is always going to be subjective to an extent, but it’s definitely a real concept with objective truths to it.

    This is also an example where there’s a danger of going too far one way or too far to the other— where the ‘answer’ is seen as being either totally selfless or totally selfish. As with so many things, a middle-ground is required with this— and that middle-ground is different for different people. For some people, helping other people is an ESSENTIAL part of their own mental health. At some point ‘looking after yourself first’ can become a catch-22 situation, with everything else equal.

    And I think the common factor underlying all of these points I just mentioned— we are really lacking in local communities, in living in a communal way of helping each other out and being reliant on neighbours. I think that is responsible for a long of mental health problems, personally. Especially for more gregarious people like me. It’s not to say that everybody would benefit from that, but definitely a lot of people would.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I think one of our biggest evolution challenges will be the balance of inventing things that push us away from each other (phones, computers, internet…etc) and inventing ways to be in community better. We are social animals, and even as someone who prefers a LOT of solitude to being social, I can see how it’s necessary to have people around. I am hoping that more folks will start to see this as a result of the current crisis.

    Liked by 1 person

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